May 31, 2007


Posted in life at 14:11 0 by gillsmoke

I have been having violent, disturbing dreams.The kind where I’m getting killed or committing crimes. I have generally thought that “The Goverment” was little better than “The Rebels”, that Karmicly speaking, crimes don’t need punishment. My discussions at work have had dark nihlistic themes too. Now they are bleeding into my dreaming which is coming closer to my conscience. I’d like to go back to living like a vampire, the sunlight is too much for me. I need the sameness of perpetual gloom. Then I can go back to ignoring the state of the world quite nicely. Where my thoughts are mine. I don’t have to share and I rest easy knowing what I know and I am not responsible for everybody else’s education.

Can we go back there? please?


May 25, 2007

05-22-07 Toasted Cheese Writing Prompt

Posted in Uncategorized at 13:17 0 by gillsmoke

05-22-07 Toasted Cheese WP: I was unprepared for his embrace.

I was unprepared for his embrace.
“Thank You so much for all of your help.” His enthusuim didn’t cover the slight stink of his armpits.
“No really it’s ok.” I tried to peel myself from his sticky body.
“You know man I love you.”
“Yeah, me too.” I needed to escape this goon before he tried to kiss me.

I had taken his wallet and returned it minus some cash. He thought I was such a great guy for returning the wallet that he was about to drop into his beer cup.

// somehow he exits here

Keggers were such an easy place to get cash and such a hard way to make it. The pathetic gushing of jocks right before they turned violent, the judgmental replay of last week’s slutinesss before the bitch queens did it again, but never with me. Banggers were always carrying weapons and the hillbillies were always racists pricks. House parties were calmer affairs but had a higher risk of getting caught taking shit, or being asked to leave.

Being young and homeless wasn’t easy. Showers was the hardest thing to come by, washing up by gas station hand soap never quite got you all clean. After showers was the food, resturant seconds was a smelly disgusting job but kept the belly full. If you didn’t like it go hungry for a few days; you’ll be back. Watching the normals going about thier privlidged lives was almost too much to bear sometimes. But at least they wasted enough that people like me could get by. Shoes and clothes could be stolen from second hand stores. Smokes could be bummed. Liquor flowed on the weekends and during the week you had to hide during school hours. None of it, too too bad, but all of it terrible. I remember my first week, being terified about everything. Now it was a routine.

The skid row bums didn’t like young ones around, that was mostly fear. The charities wanted to ask too many questions and get chidren’s services involved. I was 17 and could take care of myself, hell I laready had for over a year and had only 9 more months before I could escape this Neverland nightmare. I was going to get my GED and then I could get back in to school on student loans, before I became a skid row bum myself.

May 21, 2007

21-05-07 Toasted Cheese writing prompt

Posted in Toasted Cheese, writing prompts at 21:24 0 by gillsmoke

21-05-07 Toasted Cheese WP: She didn’t believe she was being selfish.

Although her brother screamed about the injustice done, she didn’t believe she was being selfish. “I did the babysitting, I walked the dogs, I earned this and that baby didn’t.” She thought to herself with pride. “It’s mine and Mom made sure I didn’t have to share.” Her father was going to take her out to get it when he got home and the wait was intolerable with that whiny baby carrying on.


The way she teased them was really just teasing herself. prolonging the moment, delaying the end, savoring the position. She didn’t believe she was being selfish. It was just the way she made love. Men didn’t seem to mind her tactics and Leslie like the way she gently dominated the situation. It was like a flash going off, a bright flash as time stopped for a moment then carrying on slowly rising to a crest, then flash again.

Now if I could just turn either of those into a story…

May 18, 2007

Grettty’s pressure

Posted in Uncategorized at 06:27 0 by gillsmoke

So I have been loafing. I have not kept my end of the bargin up. I didn’t keep my blog up I didn’t keep /pestering/ in contact with people. My conserns havedwindled down to Pokemon Diamond I am but a shell.

I have not given up entirely on writing. I have a book I keep scribbling in. I lurk a lot when I should be working. I, I, I’m a slackass.

So I resolve to return to regular updates, single lines count (even if my posts turn into Crawlspace’s headings). I resolve to return emails and phone calls in a more timely fashon. I resolve to work on my planner presents every week.

Now where’s the remote I need to turn off the TV.

I said I’d be back

Posted in Uncategorized at 06:13 0 by gillsmoke

Gill Smoke —

A real life terminator

‘How will you be defined in the dictionary?’ at