February 13, 2009

Posted in Uncategorized at 16:41 0 by gillsmoke

So my wife says to me, “By the way that person you met a couple of days ago? They might be moving in.”

“WTF?! Y?” was my natural response

Deflecting the way she did when she brought home the dog, “You know people did it for us when we were young.”

I knew the fight was already lost. It’s not like we haven’t had people stay with us before. That’s not the point. I have spent one evening in thier presence, that is not what I would call the beginning of a long term relationship.

Our house is a mess, my mind is a scattered landscape of unfullfilled wishfulness, nonexsistant social life, my life is dominated by never getting anything done. Now there might be two additional people enjoining the mascerade? What are you thinking?

Then I also saw on George Lopez the exact situation play out
Angie George’s wife, “Do you have a safe place to sleep”
Woman who left her boyfriend, “I’ll sleep in my car if I have to”
George, “You go girl”
Angie, “No no no, You can -”
George, “Angie what are you thinking? Did you see that guy?”

Exactlly! I want no part of whatever mess that has brought [NAME AND ADDRESS WITHHELD *] to this point. I’ll help, but moving them in seems like a lot to ask of me when my fountain pens shipped a day ago. That’s a nonsequiter, I’m praticing for the Turnip.

It’s not that I mind, I don’t really. “They are old enough to be your children,” CRSE says to make me feel old and pathetic. Only if I had kids in high school dork. I wasn’t even sexually active then, so there! Not my kid. It’s not like I want to see them go to the mission ar anything. Just look how hard I have to work to keep my slothful demeanor. Now there’s going to be new people around so I’m going to have to act better and be nicer and stuff. It’s not worth the warm fuzzy feeling CRSE is going to get. I’d rather sleep in and stay surly.

* That’s a Spongebob reference, in case you missed it. What? Like you didn’t see the Spongebob Christmas special 53 times. The turnip really should work for an Islamic intelligence organization. “Me no mean, you are, No do what I told you to. Now!” Remind me to tell you about his hour long screaming fit when I dropped him off. Crse described it in one word, “Horrid.”


February 9, 2009

Birthday party

Posted in Uncategorized at 16:48 0 by gillsmoke

There are fewer places more dangerous than a child’s birthday party. I don’t have an anxiety disorder but the social pitfalls are many. I’m pretty sure I was being looked at with apprehension as I made my notes.

No really, I am just that antisocial. It’s not that I don’t like people, I’m just not sure about these school parents. That group over there, I’m pretty sure they are all cheating on their husbands. It’s in the eyes, look for it. That group there, I’m pretty sure my wife has offended all of them by her mere existence. OK, I’ll just sit here not looking menacing. Hard to do with a scruffy beard.

Here’s a couple of other notes:

A bithday party is not supposed to be that late, they are afternoon affairs. Cake at (either) 8 is just bad form.

Oh, look I’m the only solo dad again, I will say there are more dads here than at any other public party I have been to in a long while.

What is that older kid doing here, his slightly annoying younger brother is also too old to have been invited.

Sorry to be rude, but I’m just trying to get out of here before embarrassing my family.

Little girl’s shirts should never have 2 round things on the front, the two penguin holding hands sort of look bad at 25 feet. Even the heart’s eyes are a little misleading.

In a similar vein, I swear I am not going to hurt your kids. A beard doesn’t make me a molester.

And finally, Thank you for the opportunity to let my kid run around for an hour straight. I think that might relieve some of the built up Cabin fever.

February 3, 2009

Revelatory Experience

Posted in Uncategorized at 21:49 0 by gillsmoke

So I haven’t had one of those for a while. The phrase, “Beware the cult of purity, infectious imbecility, I made my choice 666.” keeps ringing around my head. I read about a person who had a rather famous fugue like existence for a couple of months. He was here and now barely getting by, and in the distant past waiting to get martyred. I remember a time in my life when i felt assured that I was meant to witness something “Very Important”, the feeling went away before the impending occurrence ever happened.

Why do I even mention any of this? Well I am a mystic of sorts and I had a insane idea that I would never follow through on but it would have involved turning into an active criminal which I don’t have the stomach for.
I sort of miss the feeling of import things require my attention. These days I’m the token “weird” guy. Knowing too many trivial things (Like trivia comes from the Roman habit of posting notices at the intersection of three roads), having experienced oddities and strangeness CRSE says I cultivate. I do. There’s a reason, Knowledge is power, so I strive to know. and know some more.